The way AI gives feedback reminds us: Real feedback is about connection, not correction.

Have you noticed the way AI models offer feedback? It starts with extreme affirmation, explains what you did right, then makes a suggestion.

AI mirrors what we humans often overlook: the humanity in the feedback process. When I reflect on feedback in the workplace; how it’s given, how it’s received, and why it sometimes fails; it takes me back to Imago Relationship Theory’s powerful ideas: appreciation first and validation plus empathy go a long way. AI knows a very important secret about human behavior: feedback is about connection not correction.

Why feedback so often misses the mark

In many organizations, feedback becomes synonymous with fault-finding. We wait until something is wrong, then sit across the table from someone, tell them what they did poorly, and feel “we did our job.” If feedback isn’t delivered with connection, people feel judged, defensive, or shut down.

On the relational side, Imago theory invites us to shift the paradigm:

it’s not just about giving or receiving feedback as though one person is the fixer and the other the broken. It’s about a meeting between us, in the space that connects us as humans.

The core steps of the Imago Dialogue; Mirroring, Validation, Empathy, give us a concrete structure to keep feedback relational.  When we bring this structure into workplace feedback, we invite trust, psychological safety, and connection. I have seen this process connecting people over and over again.

Three relationship-first practices for feedback

Here are concrete practices that leaders and teams can embed into everyday feedback culture:

1. Lead with genuine appreciation.

   
   

   Start by naming something someone does well; something specific, visible, and meaningful. This isn’t fluff; but a true acknowledgement that says: I see you, I value you. It opens the door for someone to stay engaged, rather than bracing for critique.

   
   

2. Validate effort and perspective.

   
   

   Next, affirm the person’s viewpoint or the intention behind the work. Validate by saying (“What you said makes sense given that…”). When someone feels “Yes – that makes sense,” they are far more open. Feedback then lands as partner to possibility, not as threat.

   
   

3. Infuse empathy by asking: Are you open to another idea?

   
   

   Pause and ask: “Would you be open to hearing another idea I have about this?” That question does two things: it honors their agency and keeps the positive connection established. As Brene Brown suggests, “I’m ready to sit next to you rather than across from you” is a posture of partnership.  In this space, feedback becomes a shared endeavor of growth, not a one-way critique.

Why appreciation + validation + empathy powerfully change the energy of feedback

• Appreciation softens the barrier of defensiveness. It shifts the focus from what’s wrong to what’s working.

• Validation keeps the recipient from feeling “I’m crazy for seeing things this way,” which opens the channel of communication.

• Empathy + invitation create psychological safety: the person feels respected, seen, and invited; not attacked.

In Imago work, when we mirror and validate first, then offer feedback, we reduce reactivity and invite genuine transformation. 

Connection Based Feedback into practice

• Before a feedback conversation, ask yourself: Am I ready to sit beside you rather than opposite you?

• Begin the meeting by briefly acknowledging something the person has done that matters.

• Use “I” language and invite the person’s story: “Can you tell me how you experienced this project?”

Mirror what you hear: “So you’re saying… Is there more?”

• Validate: “That makes sense to me given how much you’ve balanced in this phase.”

• Empathize: “I imagine you might be feeling frustrated and also proud; does that fit?”

• Invite: “Would you be open to one idea I have for next steps?”

  
  

• Offer one or two clear suggestions only (under anxious or busy conditions, attention is short).

• Finish again with appreciation and commitment to follow up.

Why this approach matters

When feedback is relational, it becomes a tool for connection, not just correction. Teams feel trusted, valued, and open to growth. Leaders build cultures where feedback is not feared but expected, where people do not dread “review time” but look forward to honest growth conversations.

In Imago terms, feedback that begins with appreciation, moves through validation and empathy, celebrates in the “space between” two humans, and transforms communications.

Human Connection Is vital for Thriving

Teams are made up of people, and people need to feel seen and appreciated to thrive.  

When we shift from feedback as “pointing out what’s wrong” to feedback as connection in action, we honor the humanity of the receiver; and of ourselves.

And when we do, our team and organization embrace a culture of growth and courage. AS soon as you are done reading this post ask AI what it thinks about something you wrote —and smile when it lavishes positivity and connection upon you.

Connect with me if you would like to train your management team on my Imago model to offer connected feedback in the workplace. Follow me on Instagram @drmostconnections and on LinkedIn for more workplace and relationships insites.